'HIGHER' - THE THIRD MUDKIDS ALBUM (FREE DOWNLOAD)/'Pressure Busts Pipes'

I am not a happy boy.

Usually, you can depend on a pretty good mood from me. I try to keep the cup 'half-full'. Lately, the cup has been empty. And it seems to wanna stay that way.

I am so sick of working my ass off just to pay bills. I am really tired of it. I thank God every day that I have no children, because there is no way I could be 'Me' and take care of a child right now. I would love to have a baby one day, but I don't know when that day is. I don't realistically see my life slowing down anytime soon and I don't know if my 'Big Break' is ever coming, so I am not in any position to bring a child into this world. I've committed myself to this Life, this career; I am doing everything I can to live it out.  I'm getting to a point where the belief I have in myself is starting to wane. I know it'll come back, but it is what it is right now.

I'm keeping it so real with you right now, it hurts.

I have never been the one to want anything I haven't earned. I don't want anyone's hand-outs, I don't want anyone's pity, and I damn sure don't want anybody to give me anything that I haven't earned. I want to be accepted, respected, appreciated, and loved for who I am. I think those are the most basic of human needs, right there with 'food, water, shelter'. 

"There's gotta be a better way, Russ."

What more can I do? Am I to just say, 'Fuck this', cut my hair and get a 'real job'? I KEEP real jobs all the time...and it STILL ain't enough. I can't even rationalize putting the group(s) on the road right now, because the cost of traveling (gas, food, lodging) is so outrageous. We do alright wherever we go, but this recession (yeah, just go ahead and call it what it is) is kicking my/our ass. We've had to scale back so many plans. It's really fucking frustrating. We're trying to get back into markets that we know where we KNOW we kick ass and even THAT has to be considered seriously.

...and this is what I am thinking about before THREE shows, in town. I am always a month ahead. I am already figuring out Forecastle (which will be TOTALLY worth it...them Spank Rock cats, Tortoise, Z-Trip, Margot, "M-E-T-H-O-D Maaaaan!" AND Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is speaking? Hecky yeah...click that link and get yo' shit together for July 25-27 cuz Louisville is gonna be RED-HOT!) 

I've done my thing independently for all this time. Am I spinning my wheels? Jeez, I mean, the MUDKIDS are recognized as truly upper-eschelon shit; why are we talking about this? Shouldn't I be talking to you about release-dates, shows, and plans that we have to take Indy with Us whenever this thing finally jumps off? Shouldn't I be telling you how excited I am that we are almost finished with this album? Shouldn't I let you know that, including 'Lazarus' (the album) and LAZARUS (the Band), I could possibly have THREE full albums ready to go by year's end, not counting the collaborations I have been doing with s.a.i.n.t. RECON and anyone that wanted to send me a track.

When have you paid enough dues?

I have no idea. I wish I could say that I knew, but I don't. I try to lead by example; I go to as many shows as I can, even when I am flat-broke. I clap my hands and dap the bands when they come offstage. I started this blog with the specific intention of NOT just talking about myself, but spreading light and shine to some of the incredibly talented people I know. I have been this close for a long time. "'This close' to what?" is what I am trying to figure out.

I remember a friend of mine asking me why I stayed in Indy and didn't try to 'make it'. It truly pissed me off, because I have been trying to 'make it' for as long as I can remember. I'm still trying to 'make it', which is what kinda pissed me off. Here we are at a show, you just paid money to get in and hear me and all these wonderful Artists and you are asking why I haven't left, as if I haven't been trying this whole time from here? Look, I love this City. I love the people. My family is here. I love my Hometown. The reality is; My Mama was a big part of why I wasn't leaving and now that she is gone, I almost feel as if I owe it to her to get out there, wherever 'there' is. I can have hard-times anywhere, yuh know? There might as well be constant sunshine, wherever 'there' is. And maybe when I get 'there', I'll 'make it'. Maybe I'll never get 'there' and maybe I'll never 'make it'. Maybe I have 'made it' and this is as good as it's gonna get and I should accept it. There were so many things that she wanted to do, yet never had the chance to. I let her Spirit live in Me, happily. I try to take her joy into the World. My Mama was so talented and charismatic; she'd simply light up a room with her laughter and her smile. I swear, I try to carry that with me every day, even on super shitty days, like the ones that have been so frequent lately. My Mama told me never to stop. I'm making good on that. (I tell people that we're 'jazz cats', I don't see myself stopping...ever.) 

...but, I want more. Lots more...and eventually, I will NEED more...

I guess I have been trained to be thankful for everything I do have. I am. I am happy for my truck with the battery that needs to be replaced, I am happy for my little home and my little dog. I am so thankful for my friends and family. Sometimes, I am just thankful that I can sit here and bleed this shit outta me. At least I have a creative outlet; I don't know how many people read this and download the music I put up, but it does feel good to tap away at this keyboard and try to figure things out. 

Here's the facts; I am as driven as anyone I know, and when I feel like something/anything is slowing me down, I push that much harder. I simply will not give. I ain't no quitter. I am dying to show the world all I know and have learned, all the stuff I have worked on for years, from MCing to DJing (look at all these dang mixes in this blog!), from working in television and radio to shooting and editing videos, from writing (duh.) to ringing up your merchandise. We have made all this noise for all these years by our-damn-selves. We could probably stand a little help. There are people that I miss, but we're moving forward. It's wearing on me today. I know that help is on the way. "I Believe, I Believe, I Believe, I Belieeeee-eve (Ikeepremindinmyself"...WADAPLU IS COMING!)

What's that cliche'? "Pressure busts pipes or makes diamonds"? I'm trying to make these diamonds, man; but the pressure is in the pipes right now.

Don't bury me, I ain't dead yet.

(PS - 'HIGHER', our third album, is recognized by a lotta people as our finest work ('Upward' is still my favorite). The three songs inside of this blog are from that album. It was released by a (now we know) crappy, shitty, 'didn't-even-try' independent outta the Bay Area called 'Stray Records' that promptly folded within months of its release. Check the stats on what sealed copies are going for online...and guess how much of that money we see...or have ever seen. I have been watching this shit like the price of gas; 'The Wolf' is at the ready.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00005K9UB/ref=sr_1_olp_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1213324572&sr=8-1

Could be the rarity of the record, could be that it's considered an 'underground classic' in some circles. I just know this; I can't sit by and continue to watch these people profit from our work and NOT give you the option of paying absolutely NOTHING if you want that album, because that has been our compensation for it. I've had it up on another site for a while, but I am gonna hook you up right here, right now. Send your friends...)

Album:

MUDKIDS - 'HIGHER' (FREE DOWNLOAD) [zshare] - Click it and GET IT FOR FREE!

1) The Return

2) Feel That?

3) Cerebral Fluid

4) No Hate

5) Pulp Diction

6) B+

7) Ghost Before You Know It

8) 32/'Until'

9) Pressure

10) Climb

11) Downstairs

12) Catalogue

13) More

That's all you, baby, from your buddies, the Mudkids. If anyone asks you where you got it, you send 'em right here or to our Myspace page cuz it will be up there too...

Here I am bitching about bread and the cost of living while I am giving away our best album...Irony, anyone? At least I feel better than I did when I started writing. I guess that was the whole point.

Take the power back. Diamonds, bitches. We rock on...until.