Never Never Never...

I originally posted this on my Myspace blog some time ago. I dunno if it's poetry or prose or anything like that, as I have heard some amazing spoken-word Artists recently (What up, Rebelle! That 'VOCAB' thang is HOT!) A friend reminded me of this thang I wrote.

That's what friends are for...

Here we go.



"I will never never never stop being what I am.

I will never never never stop working towards my goals.

I will never never never let anyone make me feel small again.

I will never never never let anyone else make me believe that I don't have the right to capitalize the word, 'Me' or any other number of words that had me reaching for the 'shift' key while I was going insane, trying to remember what was Good about Me.

I will never never never let God see Me let this wonderful gift He gave Me languish.

I will never never never play myself for anybody's money, fame, or judgement.

I will never never never let myself forget that God Loves Me soooo much, there is no way for Me to stretch my arms wide enough to illustrate it.

I will never never never forget any of the above statements."

Good lookin', Clev...I didn't forget. I'm always working it out. I have to let some things outta me. I never lose sight of this and I do appreciate you sending it back to me, so I could share it with others.

I'll never never never lose sight of the fact that there are so many Good People around me.

STFU 2...My New Life

Hey,

(Disclaimer; I ain't talkin' to or about you, and if you think I am...well....then, write me. I'd rather work it out, but I can cut 'em off just as quick. Welcome to The New Life. Everybody has a Nemesis. I'm finna talk to mine. The next time you hear about this; it'll rhyme and it'll be my TRUE VOICE. Enter 'Icarus')

I don't like you. You represent everything that I am against; sloth, greed, false pride, faking jacks, inability to check yourself, and an ego that is outta control. Even in my absence, I can smell the hatred coming off you, wafting over the heads from the back of the club. The stench is unbearable.

I just told you I was done STFU. I did that for the longest. I let people take credit for shit they didn't do, could never do, and never had the HeArt to do. I let people slide when I hear shit talked about me and my Group. I have turned away from it and listened intently, all while STFU. If I were to detail some of the stuff that has gotten back to me from extremely reliable sources or some of the things that have been said about me/Us in print, online and otherwise, you would understand why I am so down to hold a grudge. It don't bother me one iota to shake off haters. I am thankful that you finally decided to show your true colors. You fooled me for a long time.

I'll never again feel the need to talk to you about anything. I am letting you know this because when you see me, I don't want you to think I am gonna be politically correct. You shit on me/Us and I'm never forgetting that. No one in this group has ever been anything but supportive of anyone in our Circle (I CAN speak for the Group in this case.), so when people in that Circle or formerly in that Circle go into the world and tell outright lies about me or my Group; yeah, I take that shit pretty seriously. I have had people that have claimed to know me and love me as their brother sit directly across from me and tell me that I was 'selfish', a 'spotlight hog', "I want it to be all about me" as if I just do this for some kinda glory or something. Kiddo, if it didn't mean as much to me as it does, I wouldn't have my ass up at 8 in the morning, making mixtapes featuring local cats for free downloading, writing Songs, editing videos and uploading them, driving my neighbors crazy in the name of MUDKIDS and MUDKIDS TV . If it meant half as much to you, you would receive the recognition you so desperately long for and you wouldn't hafta hate on me/Us to get it. I have taken it on as my RESPONSIBILITY and MISSION to represent YOU and your City. You, in return, have shit on Us.

When I address issues and over-explain my case after months of STFU and I don't get responses, I am forced to believe that I am right. I am absolutely no joke when it comes to telling you what has been on my mind after a long period of STFU. No one busts outta STFU like me, man. So, when I address issues like some of the ones you see above and I don't hear back from the transgressors, it's only natural that I would think I was right. Silence speaks volumes and y'all ain't saying shit. Meanwhile, We continue to do what we have always done; make Great Music and stand behind it or get behind it and push. I ain't stopping nobody from getting what they want outta this life; if you are with Us and you have a dream, a goal, a wish, I am quick to speak for MUDKIDS and say, "We got your back." It's part of the job, at least with this crew. Which is why you don't see me around some of the people I used to be around and you won't. If it don't reciprocate, it don't work. They have played their 'f*** Russ/y'all' card, not knowing that Jokers ain't wild.

Guess what? It didn't work. In fact, all it did was make you look like the fool I told you that you were. I've long tired of gossippy, bitchy, 'rally-the-troops' mentalities. All that bitching and screaming about me/Us has only made it worse for you, because we put our heads down and grit that much harder, not to spite you, but because that is simply what...we...do. I've sent you the links, I posted the bulletins, the Music is all there and so are the images. Any beefs? Please contact me here cuz I promise you, I can explain anything I said and stand behind it. I'll extend that offer to you one more time and I will be happy to explain how and why I got whatever it is you wanna talk about done. I am feeling sooooo 'Daniel Plainview' right now;

"I told you what I was going to do, didn't I? I told you that I would continue to work as hard as I ever did, if not harder and now look...we have MUDKIDS TV, we have 'PREHENSILE TALES' and once again, for the seventh or eighth time in a decade, the people where we live have selected Us as their representatives. Name one other band that can say that. Just one...you can't, because there are no others who can stake that claim...in dang-near any of the Arts 'round these parts. Our time is coming and if it isn't, it's not because of lack of effort. I told you this would happen, didn't I? Was I wrong? I told you what would happen and you tried to play me for a fool. Now, who's laughing? Not me! To get to where I wanna go, I have had to accept the fact that there are just certain...people...that will have to fall by the wayside. I accept it, however begrudgingly, but it is accepted nonetheless. I will always, always, always find happiness or at least, solace in my work. And I will always, always, always outwork you. This has nothing to do with money or fame. This is about respect, a respect for me and mine that was completely discarded and I am only so happy to reciprocate, just as I would with 'Love'."

If I were to never play another show or write another Song, I would know that it was because of choices I made, not because of dumb shit that was said by people that would love to be in my position. Let me be brutally honest; you couldn't handle it. You haven't been willing to open your HeArt to the point where you could stand the pressure. Don't you realize that people will always have higher expectations of Us? Do you know how that feels when you are trying to create? All you have ever had to do was play the back and be cool, but you took it upon yourself to get in the middle of everybody's shit. It's your nature. You're weak-minded and weak-willed and when told so, you curl up into a ball and hide behind your glasses, be they on your face or full of beer.

You would sit there and talk shit about everyone and how 'we ain't doing nothing', you're such a 'star', man. I would STFU and listen to this dumb shit and make conversation for the sake of doing so, while taking note of the fact that you were too self-absorbed and self-obsessed to recognize that the very scene you are shitting on is supporting you. And the 'Kid you are sitting there shitting on everybody to is a part of that scene. In fact, I could make an argument that it was I who introduced you to this 'scene', oh so many years ago. My mistake for doing so because you can't sustain friendships or relationships, and manage to bring strife and drama to every group situation you are in. You'll find a way to tear apart whatever it is you are working on now...it's just a matter of time. I'm not worried about it, though. It really is all about you.

Don't get it twisted; it's all about me, too. I've proven a lotta things wrong throughout my career. We took a year off from playing shows and recording and came back as strong as ever. When we started this Group, there was NOBODY around here even attempting to play what was then called 'East Coast Hip-Hop'. I was fresh outta the BIRDMEN, doing something essentially entirely different. I am sure there are some people who thought that MUDKIDS would shrivel up and die after they left the Circle. We're here and better than ever, working harder and producing more Music. It's all about ELP-MASS, (who doesn't have a page or you would be seeing his link there), the producer, the architect, the Genius. It's all about DJ HELICON, not only the DJ for the 'Kids, but a multi-tasking maniac, holding down a weekly gig at 6 Ultra Lounge on Fridays AND being one of the co-founders of ORANJE. Oh, yeah...ORANJE IS COMING!. Think he don't know PRESSURE? There will be no less than 2500 people at his event. AND he will dealing with a buncha crazy Artists ('good crazy', though.)

We rock on...until....

"I told you what I was gonna do." I told you exactly what would happen and look now. 'Bang bang bang' - pretty much in the timeframe that I told you it would happen. Don't be shocked by anything, because we are capable of anything. You outright shat all over my trust in you, my confidence, your word, and my vision and reputation. You need waaaay more soldiers, bruh. I ain't goin' nowhere until I want to. I told y'all that Tyler and I were 'jazz cats', kindred spirits. I'm gonna rap for-effin'-ever if I feel right about it. I have never felt more right in my Life. Go for yours, cuz I am going for OURS as hard as ever, with a vengeance and fury.

"Check the stats."

MUDKIDS

MUDKIDS TV < The 'revolution' is being televised.

RUSTY ON IMEEM

'PREHENSILE TALES'

Know that as much as I loved you at one point, enough to put up with all the stuff you started, you have hurt me. I told you that and I'm not letting that go until you acknowledge it. You tried to 'kill' me and I know it.

You lost. STFU.

Respect and Grace, that's why I don't speak to chumps anymore. Doing 'Me' FEARLESSLY. Regretting NOTHING.

Russ

Bulldozers, Pt. 2

This looks to be a continuing story.

'Slumber Is The Price Of Progress' - at least I got a good title outta this...



Fucking bulldozers.

Independents' Day Blues

This one is personal.

Yuh know, people will take your loyalty and kindness for weakness. There are so many parasitic entities in the Music Business. They will jump on your team when they think there is something in it for them. But, as soon as shit gets real, they are the first ones to bail, all the while smiling in your face and telling you how much they 'support' you.  I don't need that kinda 'support'. I don't need fake 'friends'. I don't need phony businessmen and shysters around me, and I sure as hell don't need for anyone to tell me, 'Well, that's just the Game'. Bullshit, the Game ain't got nothing to do with somebody being fake.

I am here to let you know that all that shit is dead and has been dead with me for a long time.

I do not deal with a lotta people from my past; people that swore they were my friends, but when I HAVE TO make REAL MOVES to keep my future in focus and my band on the road, they can't seem to muster up that 'support'. I don't deal with people that have shown me that they are self-serving, lazy, lackadaisical con-artists and sycophants, suckling at the teat of whoever they think is 'hot' that month. I don't hang around people that are gonna take my words, twist them to make me look like a jerk and broadcast their bullshit interpretations of what they think I am about to their 'friends'. I don't deal with 'yes-men' and talentless hacks that wish they could be as eloquent as I am in expressing their emotions and views on situations, but think it would be a smart move to fuck with me, knowing damn-well that they have NO CHANCE of debating, battling, or outthinking me. (Trust me, kids; I will not be so gracious when it is time for war. I protect my team like a mother lion. And I protect myself like Daddy Lion). I cut all those bastards off for my own sanity. They're simply of no value to me anymore, because they have shown me that my friendship ain't really about shit to them. They would rather do other things with other people and that is perfectly fine.

Where there is unfinished business to attend to, though, I am trying to 'zero out' all accounts, so I can go on with my life. The Mudkids' merchandising is all fucked-up and I am doing all I can to get it right. All I want is my gosh-darn merch booth to be in order, so that when we go play shows, we can leave our 'footprint' on your city. There are entities within this business that are so outta control, so fly-by-night, so full of themselves, that their arrogance makes it so they must lord over what they were supposed to be controlling YEARS ago. And NOW they wanna be lazy about getting Us INFORMATION, not even money, man; INFORMATION. I would think that is the most basic thing in the world, but apparently that was just another case of me thinking with my heart and not my head. When you do business with a friend you think you can trust, think twice or find an outside party to keep your head straight because your 'friends' are the first ones to fuck you over, intentionally or because they are too 'friendly' to take you seriously. It's a fact.

You may have noticed some changes in the Mudkids and the way We present ourselves. There are people that promised Us things, be it dedication, effort, time, money or whatever that they couldn't hold up to. We do not have the time for that anymore. This band is in the midst of recording another classic album, full of heart and soul. I can't begin to tell you how many hours I have spent in the studio, making sure that I have done things right. I cannot begin to tell you how many hours I have spent writing Songs, practicing flows, and rewriting Songs. I can't tell you how many times I have had to sit here and listen to the same beat, over and over again, writing down my bars so that when it is time to rap, there ain't no bullshit on there. I don't slack and I make a lotta shit happen by my lonesome. I'll say it; yeah, I push...even when ain't nobody looking. Prove me wrong, I want you to.

Some people see that 'pushing' as threatening. It could be because when you are around someone who works their ass off, you either hafta work as hard as them or you hafta acknowledge your own laziness and ineptitude. I hold no punches anymore when it comes to letting someone know that they ain't doing what they said they would do or what they were asked to do. I know when I am slacking and I do what I can to stop that shit. I guess now, I am trying to stop it in others. I don't allow that energy around me because it is infectious. I need to be around people who are willing to work at least half as hard as me. The last things I need are excuses.

I have tried to lead my team by example. I try to live up to the things I talk about in Songs.I have planted seeds of thought in Songs for years. Well, now I am about to start planting some seeds that may grow into poison oak. I am sure there are factions of people that will feel some kinda SOMEthing about what I have been writing lately. I am gonna make it impossible for some people to ignore Us/Me. I have kept from screaming on a lotta people that have screamed on me; runnning back to 'friends' and talking about how I am 'outta control' and my 'ego is outrageous'. Really? Hmmmm....if I haven't talked to you and I haven't spoken to you, where do you get that idea from? My absence? The fact that I don't kick it with fake, back-stabbing, unfocused, do-whatever-it-takes-to-make-myself-look-good dudes anymore? Did you really think I could continue to let that shit slide? I am not with the 'kee-kee-ing' and smiling in my face when I know for a fact that you have been talking extremely stupidly and recklessly about me, my projects, my life, or my Music.

That said, if you are reading this and you feel like you have unfinished business with me, feel free to call or write, so we can settle it. It's al about respect and such a lack of respect has been shown to Me, my values, and my team that I can't believe I am even being as cool about the shit as I am now. I am so easy to get in touch with, it's not funny. I'm online every day. I'll leave it up to the transgressors for now, the ones who are feeling the sting of having the 'Great Rusty' prepare to tear them new ones. 

I don't need no negative nothing, man. 'Triple Negative', I am moving on. The least one could do is let me do so and not make it any more difficult than it has already been. I have been more than cool with more than a few people and look...I am still here. My shit rings bells, yo, and you know it. I am setting myself up to be in control of my own destiny and my own dream, by my own means. We let a lotta people ride with Us and when it was time to really get down to business, we were met with indifference, laziness, and eventually (for me, especially) a general sense of 'Fuck you'. You cannot just say something to me and expect me to just believe it anymore. I wasted a lotta time believing in the power of 'friendship' and 'togetherness' with selfish individuals and companies that really only care about themselves.

No. No more. Get your shit together, cuz I am trying so hard to do that...and it ain't even for just me. My team rolls with me, man...if my team is only three or four people, ALL of Us will always be on the same page. I am so shitty with myself for believing in the BS that 'friends' will sell you. If you believed is Us then, you should still believe in Us now, because the GROUP and the MUSIC hasn't changed, except for the better. A cursory glance at the four albums we have released and the new Songs on our Myspace page (and mine) would make that obvious. We are STILL the grindingest, nastiest, realest, coolest, down-to-Earth cats you will meet...but We ain't no punks and we ain't 'kids' no more. We play nice, but when you shit on Us, that goes out the door. And I know when I have been shit on; I turned the other cheek for years until I couldn't do it anymore.

You can choose to ignore me, but I will be using my talent to get some kinda satisfaction and retribution for Myself. I'm just letting it be known so that when you hear some slick stuff fly outta my grill and you think, 'Is Russ talking about me?', you might be thinking correctly. If you even have an inkling that I might be talking about you, I probably and that is your own damn fault. All I have is this Music and NO ONE can tell me what I can address when I wanna address it. That's my power, yo; it's all I really have to show for the years of work I have put into this; a talent that God gave me in the first place and you could never truly understand. I'll make it simple for you. Believe that.

...and I won't let it go. Ever. Get it right and keep it that way.

Monday.

I had a wicked sleep. It wasn't great. Not as deep as I needed

I got up and checked my emails. I logged onto my Myspace and wrote people back. I watched 'Jerry Springer', which I believe is one of the most life-affirming shows on television. (There's no way my life could be that twisted.) I dried off and reached into the dresser-drawer for one of my favorite t-shirts, a light brown t-shirt with a iron-on of Chewbacca that reads 'WWCD?' underneath his picture. Looked in my closet and instinctively reached for my 'Mudkids' custom Air-Max '95's, the pair that started my collection. I slid my shoes on and packed up my computer. I kissed my buddy, Jett, goodbye and made my way to the door. I am looking at my place, and while it is 'home', I don't like it as much as I should. I am thinking about a lotta things. I am moving and swimming, working through an ocean of insecurities and doubts.

I started my car. I waited to hear what I was listening to the day before yesterday. The radio doesn't work and the tape deck is out, which means 'No iPod in the whip'. I have been forced to go back to my CD collection, but it has been a happy accident. It has made it so I am listening to stuff that I had either listened to once and put away or CD's that I absolutely love and haven't listened to in a while. The truck starts, thank God because I sure haven't brought my battery charger in the house in a while, and my voice comes outta the speakers, imploring me to 'Don't stop, don't quit...' I chuckle, back out of my space and make my way to the gate. The gate opens and I am off into the streets of Indianapolis, destination ; Northside News.

I say 'what's up.' to everyone. I know every single person here. The Dude is behind the counter, holding court with Timbo Too. JJ is cooking. Uncle Miiiiike is getting his coffee...and I always ask if he needs a refill before I get mine. Karen is in the corner, learning lines for a play. Buddy just came in and re-upped on his two 'ultra-weenie' American Spirits. Jared, who had dreadlocks thicker than mine is here with his girl. I haven't seen him since the CAC moved its office downtown. He's cut his hair and they are having a baby. The kid looks like a million bucks. He tells me he has moved to Florida. Makes me think real hard. 

Seems like everyone I know is doing good in the Sunshine. Chaz. I am so proud of Chaz. I am proud of Jared.

When I see my friends doing well, it makes me feel better.

I am sitting at a table with Heidi, who has one of the best smiles in the world and an attitude to match. She's just a great spirit. She is working on something for some kinda wellness retreat in the mountains of Montana, seemingly a kajillion miles away from everything and everybody. Karen comes over and sits with us and Heidi begins to speak. Heidi always begins to speak; the lady can talk, okay? She's really easy to get to know, because she gives of herself very freely. She saw the funk all over me when I came in and gave me a big ol' hug and shook me by my shoulders. Then she cheesed at me and I cheesed back. I'm feeling better, but I still have so much to think about...

I was ready to sit in the corner and blahblahblah about the rivers and oceans of uncertainty that I have been trying to swim through lately. I just go through this. It's just me now. Things can be great, but contrary to some opinions, I DO worry about my future and I DO somewhat of a plan.

(these joints ain't finished, but they fonkay enough for now...I live this shit)

It's easy for me to lose sight of how good things are and can be. I just do that sometimes and there are a bazillion people like me. I am never alone, when I feel 'alone' and that can be a good thing. And when I wanna be 'alone', I have to make it happen and that can be a good thing, as well. I am truly loved and I know it.  This is where I belong and has been for some time...but I am starting to wonder about the rest of the world. I have seen so many little parts of it, one night, one show, one drive-home at a time.  As much as I love my Home, I know I can come back to it, should I go. Some of my better instincts are telling me to go. Go somewhere, even if it's only for a while. Test the waters. Follow the Sun.

Where will I go? What will I do? I don't really know the answers to those questions and that may be what has had me in a half-funk for the past two weeks. I just know that my heart is longing to be gone for a while. I can't say that a tour would get it done. I'm really thinking about changes in a big way. I have so many ideas, but I am not certain as to how to implement them in the most effective way. I can make any type of music that I set my mind to make, I rock crowds, I get my point across and I know it by the smiles and the responses and reactions when I do my thang with my team(s). By the end of the summer, I will have two records wrapped, ready to go and will be headlong into creating the next one, whatever it is. This I DO know. Now, what am I gonna do with all this work that I have put in? The hours and hours of writing and re-writing, the nights in the studio with SPStar, the rides around town listening to this stuff over and over again, the video shooting, the nights spent editing, the communicating with two-three teams of musicians, the emailing...all of this shit, man. Damn. 

Sometimes, I wonder why God picked me to be this rapper. I'm so thankful for my gift, but it's a double-edged sword. I've sworn to 'keep it real' and the reality is I think too damn much. I worry and worry. I sweat shit and internalize it. I still think like the kid that was beating on tables at lunch to serve you in front of your boys and your girl, but I also know that that kid is a lot older now and needs to talk about other shit. I'm hoping the message is still getting across; it seems to be. I suppose it's working, I believe in Us. 

I've never thought about my future as much as I have the last two weeks. Everyone has to do it at some point. You just have to make sure you are moving forward in the present. I'm trying to push the pace some, I guess. 

tick tick tick tick...

ticktick, ticktick...

ticktickticktick...

Time don't stop, so why would you?

Here's the Mayor. I love that dude. He's got some pics of me that I really want...and Heidi is back. Jared and his girl are headed out, as is Karen...I'm here with Heidi, tapping away, working my way towards SOMEthing and 'happy'. Again.

Cuz that's just what you do...

'HIGHER' - THE THIRD MUDKIDS ALBUM (FREE DOWNLOAD)/'Pressure Busts Pipes'

I am not a happy boy.

Usually, you can depend on a pretty good mood from me. I try to keep the cup 'half-full'. Lately, the cup has been empty. And it seems to wanna stay that way.

I am so sick of working my ass off just to pay bills. I am really tired of it. I thank God every day that I have no children, because there is no way I could be 'Me' and take care of a child right now. I would love to have a baby one day, but I don't know when that day is. I don't realistically see my life slowing down anytime soon and I don't know if my 'Big Break' is ever coming, so I am not in any position to bring a child into this world. I've committed myself to this Life, this career; I am doing everything I can to live it out.  I'm getting to a point where the belief I have in myself is starting to wane. I know it'll come back, but it is what it is right now.

I'm keeping it so real with you right now, it hurts.

I have never been the one to want anything I haven't earned. I don't want anyone's hand-outs, I don't want anyone's pity, and I damn sure don't want anybody to give me anything that I haven't earned. I want to be accepted, respected, appreciated, and loved for who I am. I think those are the most basic of human needs, right there with 'food, water, shelter'. 

"There's gotta be a better way, Russ."

What more can I do? Am I to just say, 'Fuck this', cut my hair and get a 'real job'? I KEEP real jobs all the time...and it STILL ain't enough. I can't even rationalize putting the group(s) on the road right now, because the cost of traveling (gas, food, lodging) is so outrageous. We do alright wherever we go, but this recession (yeah, just go ahead and call it what it is) is kicking my/our ass. We've had to scale back so many plans. It's really fucking frustrating. We're trying to get back into markets that we know where we KNOW we kick ass and even THAT has to be considered seriously.

...and this is what I am thinking about before THREE shows, in town. I am always a month ahead. I am already figuring out Forecastle (which will be TOTALLY worth it...them Spank Rock cats, Tortoise, Z-Trip, Margot, "M-E-T-H-O-D Maaaaan!" AND Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is speaking? Hecky yeah...click that link and get yo' shit together for July 25-27 cuz Louisville is gonna be RED-HOT!) 

I've done my thing independently for all this time. Am I spinning my wheels? Jeez, I mean, the MUDKIDS are recognized as truly upper-eschelon shit; why are we talking about this? Shouldn't I be talking to you about release-dates, shows, and plans that we have to take Indy with Us whenever this thing finally jumps off? Shouldn't I be telling you how excited I am that we are almost finished with this album? Shouldn't I let you know that, including 'Lazarus' (the album) and LAZARUS (the Band), I could possibly have THREE full albums ready to go by year's end, not counting the collaborations I have been doing with s.a.i.n.t. RECON and anyone that wanted to send me a track.

When have you paid enough dues?

I have no idea. I wish I could say that I knew, but I don't. I try to lead by example; I go to as many shows as I can, even when I am flat-broke. I clap my hands and dap the bands when they come offstage. I started this blog with the specific intention of NOT just talking about myself, but spreading light and shine to some of the incredibly talented people I know. I have been this close for a long time. "'This close' to what?" is what I am trying to figure out.

I remember a friend of mine asking me why I stayed in Indy and didn't try to 'make it'. It truly pissed me off, because I have been trying to 'make it' for as long as I can remember. I'm still trying to 'make it', which is what kinda pissed me off. Here we are at a show, you just paid money to get in and hear me and all these wonderful Artists and you are asking why I haven't left, as if I haven't been trying this whole time from here? Look, I love this City. I love the people. My family is here. I love my Hometown. The reality is; My Mama was a big part of why I wasn't leaving and now that she is gone, I almost feel as if I owe it to her to get out there, wherever 'there' is. I can have hard-times anywhere, yuh know? There might as well be constant sunshine, wherever 'there' is. And maybe when I get 'there', I'll 'make it'. Maybe I'll never get 'there' and maybe I'll never 'make it'. Maybe I have 'made it' and this is as good as it's gonna get and I should accept it. There were so many things that she wanted to do, yet never had the chance to. I let her Spirit live in Me, happily. I try to take her joy into the World. My Mama was so talented and charismatic; she'd simply light up a room with her laughter and her smile. I swear, I try to carry that with me every day, even on super shitty days, like the ones that have been so frequent lately. My Mama told me never to stop. I'm making good on that. (I tell people that we're 'jazz cats', I don't see myself stopping...ever.) 

...but, I want more. Lots more...and eventually, I will NEED more...

I guess I have been trained to be thankful for everything I do have. I am. I am happy for my truck with the battery that needs to be replaced, I am happy for my little home and my little dog. I am so thankful for my friends and family. Sometimes, I am just thankful that I can sit here and bleed this shit outta me. At least I have a creative outlet; I don't know how many people read this and download the music I put up, but it does feel good to tap away at this keyboard and try to figure things out. 

Here's the facts; I am as driven as anyone I know, and when I feel like something/anything is slowing me down, I push that much harder. I simply will not give. I ain't no quitter. I am dying to show the world all I know and have learned, all the stuff I have worked on for years, from MCing to DJing (look at all these dang mixes in this blog!), from working in television and radio to shooting and editing videos, from writing (duh.) to ringing up your merchandise. We have made all this noise for all these years by our-damn-selves. We could probably stand a little help. There are people that I miss, but we're moving forward. It's wearing on me today. I know that help is on the way. "I Believe, I Believe, I Believe, I Belieeeee-eve (Ikeepremindinmyself"...WADAPLU IS COMING!)

What's that cliche'? "Pressure busts pipes or makes diamonds"? I'm trying to make these diamonds, man; but the pressure is in the pipes right now.

Don't bury me, I ain't dead yet.

(PS - 'HIGHER', our third album, is recognized by a lotta people as our finest work ('Upward' is still my favorite). The three songs inside of this blog are from that album. It was released by a (now we know) crappy, shitty, 'didn't-even-try' independent outta the Bay Area called 'Stray Records' that promptly folded within months of its release. Check the stats on what sealed copies are going for online...and guess how much of that money we see...or have ever seen. I have been watching this shit like the price of gas; 'The Wolf' is at the ready.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00005K9UB/ref=sr_1_olp_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1213324572&sr=8-1

Could be the rarity of the record, could be that it's considered an 'underground classic' in some circles. I just know this; I can't sit by and continue to watch these people profit from our work and NOT give you the option of paying absolutely NOTHING if you want that album, because that has been our compensation for it. I've had it up on another site for a while, but I am gonna hook you up right here, right now. Send your friends...)

Album:

MUDKIDS - 'HIGHER' (FREE DOWNLOAD) [zshare] - Click it and GET IT FOR FREE!

1) The Return

2) Feel That?

3) Cerebral Fluid

4) No Hate

5) Pulp Diction

6) B+

7) Ghost Before You Know It

8) 32/'Until'

9) Pressure

10) Climb

11) Downstairs

12) Catalogue

13) More

That's all you, baby, from your buddies, the Mudkids. If anyone asks you where you got it, you send 'em right here or to our Myspace page cuz it will be up there too...

Here I am bitching about bread and the cost of living while I am giving away our best album...Irony, anyone? At least I feel better than I did when I started writing. I guess that was the whole point.

Take the power back. Diamonds, bitches. We rock on...until.

'God Almighty' - Old Gold

I don't know NOTHING about this artist, but I sure enough knew how to grab that 'embed code' and get it over here to beat on 'repeat'.

I am finna go look this one up, man. Did I just miss this one? Is that Johnny Depp? Why do I feel like I wanna do the freaky-deaky AND the bow-chicka-wow when he is talking about 'God Almighty'? Can we talk about...'the afterlife'...when we're done? 

This is my NEW JOINT!



I just heard this song for the first time and I couldn't stop grooving to it. This is the power of IMEEM! I have been introduced to 'sexygospeltechnobangin' music.

*Note to self; look up this artist IMMEDIATELY and find the MP3*

I have one friend on IMEEM. I just set up my page today so I could add songs to this Blog which is also very young (and you can see I think and write A LOT. My lone IMEEM friend, so far,  is one Emily T. (Waddup!) and she had left a comment on the Grady Tate Beatles' cover. I decided that I would check out what she was listening to. This was the song she uploaded today.

*MP3 is mine!*

THAT is how this blog thing is supposed to work! Thank you. I hope I am turning y'all on to something good like Emily did for me. This is a BANGER.

*thinks about what to mix 'God Almighty' with...*

Good lookin' out...

Hey, y'all. Here I Am...

Well, ain't THIS sweet?

I have decided to enter the Blogosphere, feet first. And here I am.

I will be using this to discuss various things I dig and don't, mostly the stuff I dig. I'll also post updates on what is going on in my Life, in general.

The Blogosphere is a crazy world; I made my way here first on the MUDKIDS Myspace page. When I felt as if some of the things I wanted to talk about weren't MUDKIDS-related, I started my own page and started blogging there a bit. As time has gone on and I have read more blogs and written a lotta blogs of my own, I realized that this wasn't something I was gonna stop doing and there were things that I wouldn't wanna necessarily discuss there.

I have recognized the power of the word and I am thankful for any forum to express myself.

I'm glad to be here; big-up to alpha. and my man, Romer for finally pushing me into the Blogspot.

As for Me? Here's what I believe will be the first single from the upcoming MUDKIDS release, 'We Are Dynamic And People Like Us'. It's called 'Love'. I have shot a buncha little videos and stuff; please check out my YOUTUBE channel.

http://www.youtube.com/user/theobserver317

Stay tuned...and thanks for having me.

MUDKIDS

http://www.myspace.com/mudkids

RUSTY

http://www.myspace.com/rustyredenbacherofthemudkids

LAZARUS

http://www.myspace.com/lazarusindy

Russ