Jokes That Stuck; '250 Big Ones'

...just trying to get back ta laughin'...

'The Jerk' is one of my favorite movies. I'm quick to quote this movie at length;

"It was never easy for me. I was born a poor Black child."

"He hates these CANS!"

"You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"

"I'm gonna name you 'Lifesaver'."

"There are SNAILS on her plate."

...and one day, I hope to have this problem at the bank.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Go To The Mall'

Boy, did I relate to this; this was my LIFE for ten years. I am pretty sure that everyone, from the hippest of hipsters to the corniest of corny has had an encounter like this in a record-store. Also, usually Stevie does no wrong, but man did I hate this schmaltzy song. I wanted to react this so many times, but just never could (I actually wanted to keep my job and I'm not a rude dude, man!). Thank you, Jack Black, for saying what I wanted to say to so many people for so many years

It's a real shame that the kids coming up today won't ever REALLY know the pleasure of record-shopping, 'digging', and such; the internet has made things so easy to get to. The kids just make 'playlists' for each other. Release dates don't have the relevance that they used to. On one hand it's a good thing because the power is being snatched from the 'major' record companies and after all those years of ripping off all those artists, I am enjoying watching them scramble to figure out new ways to bring in revenue. On the other hand, there's just too many ways to get to what you think (or what the record-companies think) you wanna hear and kids will never have the joy of 'finding' out-of-print CD's/records. I'd be willing to bet that the average 15-year-old has never played a record in their life.

Wow. The times-they-are-a-changin'. Go to the mall and buy a CD. Noooo, better yet, go to an independent record-store and buy ANYTHING..

You're gonna miss those spots one day, unless you do something about it now.

Jokes That Stuck; "...and knitting...and knitting"

I guess there were a few reasons this joke stuck with me; his expression, the laugh in his voice when he says the line. I always took to 'slightly deranged' Pee-Wee' as much as 'chuckles-and-giggles' Pee-Wee. 

(who am I kiddin'? ALL that Pee-Wee stuff is deranged.)

I remember going to see this in the theatre during a summer in Gary. Glen Reese and I said the 'cable-knit sweater' line for the rest of my time there. There was a time when you literally could not go anywhere without hearing someone quote from 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure'. 

I break this line out whenever I am truly stuck trying to do something, say put together a table or desk chair, or at some point in a video game where I keep getting 'killed'. It's a beauty to break the tension when you're really frustrated.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Fats, Lemme Tell You My Story, Man...'

I still quote from this scene on regular basis. There are so many lines in here worth keeping.




It's a very thin line that Anthony Michael hall is walking, but he is walking that joint POIFECT!

Crazy? Insane? Me stopping to watch this movie anytime I find it on TV, STILL? Insane? Crazy?

POIFECT. "Gimme the keys! Gimme the keys, I'll drive!"

Jokes That Stuck; The Artist Who Formerly Had A Slight Sense Of Humor

Where wood ya go ta buy a Sam Cooke A'bum?

You just hafta know where ta look...



..and you hafta know how ta ask.

That ain't even that funny...but I think of that clip every time I walk into these joints.

Great Bastards In Film; 'Drexl' in 'True Romance'

Awwww, man...I love this movie. It is one of maybe three instances in which I don't spontaneously hurl upon sight of Christian Slater. Patricia Arquette is adorable and fierce. There are many supporting characters in this movie that warrant mention. There's an exchange between Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper that is so tense, so worth-watching; it's two great actors going toe-to-toe. Brad Pitt has mad quotables in his half cameo appearance as 'Floyd'. Michael Rappaport is great. However there is one charcter that introduces himself early in the precedings that takes the cakes. A total bastard.

DREXL - "They got everything from a diddled-eye joe to a damned if I know!"



Gary Oldman plays 'Drexl', a dreadlocked thug with a scar running the length of his face. He's Alabama's pimp and he wants restitution for her absence or his girl back. He is ruthless and violent. He has no problem betraying anyone to get what he wants...and his voice is CLASSIC especially coming from Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman can play the shit outta a creep. See 'The Professional' if you don't believe me. Watch this clip if you doubt me...yeah, yeah.

(DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DEFINITELY NSFW)



I don't wanna talk too much about how he gets his come-uppance (boy, it makes me hurt just to think of it). Oldman's appearance in this film is woefully short, but his two-three scenes and the exchange between Walken and Hopper can get me to stop on this flick any time. It's that good ol' Tarantino shit (he wrote this joint) all around and Oldman gets a lotta killer lines. He's a total bastard, but you wish he was in the flick a little more.

'Drexl' - a Great Bastard In Film.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot Pie'

David Cross is one of my favorite comedians. I've been a fan since 'Mr. Show'. I find his stand-up to be amongst the edgiest, most-intelligent, genuinely funny stuff. If you ever get a chance to see 'Let America Laugh', watch it. I bought it expecting stand-up and a little behind-the-scenes stuff. I would actually be hard-pressed to catergorize it, though. Here's the trailer...



As for the joke that stuck, it was just another one of THOSE moments where everything was just right. David Cross was appearing as 'Donnie' on an episode of 'Just Shoot Me'. I LOVE this episode of this show so much that if I get a chance to flip through channels and 'Just Shoot Me' is on, I will read the guide EVERY time to check and see if it is the 'Donnie' episode.

The episode revolves around 'Donnie', Eliott's brother, who upon graduating from high=school sustained a head injury. (I believe it was during a game of frisbee with Eliott.) As a result of this head injury, Donnie has become unable to take care of himself and acts very child-like. Eventually, it is revealed that the whole child-like aspect of Donnie is in fact, a ruse, and he is quite capable of expressing himself as a MAN. (He kinda catches feelings for Mia and is not shy to crack on her, when no one else is around.) He even explains to her that he has been keeping up this act (and wil continue to do so) because he's 'got it made. People wait on him hand and foot!' and he just never wanted to get a job. CLASSIC!

(and if I ever start a punk-rock-disco-soul-funk band it shall be called...'SLOW DONNIE'...so it has been said and so it has been written.)

Obviously, it would be disgusting for someone to pull this kinda stuff in real-life, but dammit, it's funny as hell in 'TV World'.

Click the title of the post for 4 seconds that will stay with you long after you watch it. I sing this little tune at Boston Market or when I walk down the frozen-goods aisle.

John Woo's 'Red Cliff'

John Woo is coming BACK! 

I first got turned onto John Woo years and years ago. 'The Killer' was the first John Woo film I saw. Blew my mind; non-stop action, great story; it was like my favorite comic books had come to life. There was no need to reload the guns; who's interested in that anyway? Just shoot, man. 

'The Killer' has gone on to be a classic amongst hip-hop heads, as well, fueled by the Wu-Tang Clan and their classic 'Yo, Mef, where my 'Killer' tape at?' skit from '36 Chambers'.

Anyway, it's been quite some time since John Woo made a movie. He's working on an epic of 'epic proportions' called 'Red Cliff'. I saw a nine-minute trailer from it online and it looks absolutely astounding. 

Here is the short trailer for 'Red Cliff'. If you can find the longer trailer from the Cannes Film Festival, make sure you check it out.