Jokes That Stuck; '250 Big Ones'

...just trying to get back ta laughin'...

'The Jerk' is one of my favorite movies. I'm quick to quote this movie at length;

"It was never easy for me. I was born a poor Black child."

"He hates these CANS!"

"You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"

"I'm gonna name you 'Lifesaver'."

"There are SNAILS on her plate."

...and one day, I hope to have this problem at the bank.

Jokes That Stuck; "I Can Arm-Wrestle...I Can Kick..."

I gotta lotta love for the cool weirdos...because I am one.

Crispin Glover is a complete oddball. You could NEVER say you knew what was coming when dealing with him. He has been responsible for 'Jokes That Stick', some classic 'HUH?' quotes and moments, and visual memories that will never leave my head. When I heard he was gonna play the title-role in the remake of 'Willard', I thought, "But, of COURSE!"

Which got me to thinking about watching that cat on Letterman. I remember this like it was yesterday, watching it with my Grandma. She didn't get it and neither did I, but boy, I never forgot this shit. CLASSIC TELEVISION. Dave Letterman is the GREATEST. (BRHS in the joint!)



"You wanna have dinner with the guy?"



My friend, Tony, posted this clip on Youtube. I ACTUALLY BOUGHT A PROMO OF GLOVER'S TAPE AT HIS STORE, 'SECOND TIME AROUND'!



...and then there was Lane from 'River's Edge'; how was THIS guy the 'leader'?



I had never seen this, but when you do, it makes the Letterman clip make that much more sense....or maybe it doesn't. God Bless Youtube

Jokes That Stuck; 'That's You, That Is'

Anyone who ever had to watch those stuffy shows on PBS when they were a kid will appreciate this. There was always something breaking up the flow after 'Sesame Street'; some old dingy-looking cat talking about books or history or somethin'. Those shows woulda been a lot more tolerable if they went like this clip.

I stumbled across this clip a while ago. This is the second of the three 'History Today' sketches these cats did.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Go To The Mall'

Boy, did I relate to this; this was my LIFE for ten years. I am pretty sure that everyone, from the hippest of hipsters to the corniest of corny has had an encounter like this in a record-store. Also, usually Stevie does no wrong, but man did I hate this schmaltzy song. I wanted to react this so many times, but just never could (I actually wanted to keep my job and I'm not a rude dude, man!). Thank you, Jack Black, for saying what I wanted to say to so many people for so many years

It's a real shame that the kids coming up today won't ever REALLY know the pleasure of record-shopping, 'digging', and such; the internet has made things so easy to get to. The kids just make 'playlists' for each other. Release dates don't have the relevance that they used to. On one hand it's a good thing because the power is being snatched from the 'major' record companies and after all those years of ripping off all those artists, I am enjoying watching them scramble to figure out new ways to bring in revenue. On the other hand, there's just too many ways to get to what you think (or what the record-companies think) you wanna hear and kids will never have the joy of 'finding' out-of-print CD's/records. I'd be willing to bet that the average 15-year-old has never played a record in their life.

Wow. The times-they-are-a-changin'. Go to the mall and buy a CD. Noooo, better yet, go to an independent record-store and buy ANYTHING..

You're gonna miss those spots one day, unless you do something about it now.

Jokes That Stuck; "...and knitting...and knitting"

I guess there were a few reasons this joke stuck with me; his expression, the laugh in his voice when he says the line. I always took to 'slightly deranged' Pee-Wee' as much as 'chuckles-and-giggles' Pee-Wee. 

(who am I kiddin'? ALL that Pee-Wee stuff is deranged.)

I remember going to see this in the theatre during a summer in Gary. Glen Reese and I said the 'cable-knit sweater' line for the rest of my time there. There was a time when you literally could not go anywhere without hearing someone quote from 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure'. 

I break this line out whenever I am truly stuck trying to do something, say put together a table or desk chair, or at some point in a video game where I keep getting 'killed'. It's a beauty to break the tension when you're really frustrated.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Fats, Lemme Tell You My Story, Man...'

I still quote from this scene on regular basis. There are so many lines in here worth keeping.




It's a very thin line that Anthony Michael hall is walking, but he is walking that joint POIFECT!

Crazy? Insane? Me stopping to watch this movie anytime I find it on TV, STILL? Insane? Crazy?

POIFECT. "Gimme the keys! Gimme the keys, I'll drive!"

Jokes That Stuck; The Artist Who Formerly Had A Slight Sense Of Humor

Where wood ya go ta buy a Sam Cooke A'bum?

You just hafta know where ta look...



..and you hafta know how ta ask.

That ain't even that funny...but I think of that clip every time I walk into these joints.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot Pie'

David Cross is one of my favorite comedians. I've been a fan since 'Mr. Show'. I find his stand-up to be amongst the edgiest, most-intelligent, genuinely funny stuff. If you ever get a chance to see 'Let America Laugh', watch it. I bought it expecting stand-up and a little behind-the-scenes stuff. I would actually be hard-pressed to catergorize it, though. Here's the trailer...



As for the joke that stuck, it was just another one of THOSE moments where everything was just right. David Cross was appearing as 'Donnie' on an episode of 'Just Shoot Me'. I LOVE this episode of this show so much that if I get a chance to flip through channels and 'Just Shoot Me' is on, I will read the guide EVERY time to check and see if it is the 'Donnie' episode.

The episode revolves around 'Donnie', Eliott's brother, who upon graduating from high=school sustained a head injury. (I believe it was during a game of frisbee with Eliott.) As a result of this head injury, Donnie has become unable to take care of himself and acts very child-like. Eventually, it is revealed that the whole child-like aspect of Donnie is in fact, a ruse, and he is quite capable of expressing himself as a MAN. (He kinda catches feelings for Mia and is not shy to crack on her, when no one else is around.) He even explains to her that he has been keeping up this act (and wil continue to do so) because he's 'got it made. People wait on him hand and foot!' and he just never wanted to get a job. CLASSIC!

(and if I ever start a punk-rock-disco-soul-funk band it shall be called...'SLOW DONNIE'...so it has been said and so it has been written.)

Obviously, it would be disgusting for someone to pull this kinda stuff in real-life, but dammit, it's funny as hell in 'TV World'.

Click the title of the post for 4 seconds that will stay with you long after you watch it. I sing this little tune at Boston Market or when I walk down the frozen-goods aisle.

Jokes That Stuck; 'Aaron Neville Megaphone'

This is an example of one of those off-to-the-side jokes that just stuck with me since the first time I heard it. I'm not a huge 'Family Guy' fan anymore, but this bit will crack me up every time...

...and apparently someone else found it as hysterical as I did. I couldn't find the clip on YOUTUBE, but there was a coupla cats imitating it. Someone was kind enough to build a website just looping this special random moment from 'Family Guy'.

Ain't nuthin' like the real thing, click the title of this post and have a chuckle.